CAPTAIN PLANET, MOTHAFUCKAS.
CAPTAIN PLANET, MOTHAFUCKAS.
Today, we are analysing Lord Eddard Stark’s relation ship with Littlefinger, and all the MORTAL mistakes that came following it.
Ned immediately dislikes Lord Petyr Baelish because he knew Littlefinger wanted to put his littlefinger somewhere on his dearest wife, Catelyn Tully-now-Stark (to say simply.)
But Littlefinger doesn’t care (OR DOES HE). He still talks to Ned (because who else is gonna talk to Ned) and informs him of the fact that he’s being followed. It doesn’t matter to Lord Stark! He keeps talking - LOUDLY - of his research of the moment : how the fuck did Jon Arryn die (his goal is to prove that the Lannisters did it, obviously).
This being done, Littlefinger tries to teach Eddy a lesson on trust :
TRUST NO ONE, basically.
Ned still doesn’t care, because Littlefinger’s giving him some smart tips on how to act from there, and, to prove that he COMPLETELY. MISSED. THE. POINT, he exclaims:
OH. SHIT. SON.
at first we’re like… amused, in our disbelief …
but then the gravity of the situation hits home and IT HURTS.
NO GIF IN THE WORLD (NOT EVEN THE INFAMOUS ROSE TYLER MOMENT IN DOOMSDAY, NOT EVEN THE UNDYING EDWARD CULLEN) CAN EXPRESS HOW WE FEEL WHEN WE FACE THAT. Oh. my. god. Ned.
We don’t have to wait long for Littlefinger to reply : inside he is probably feeling like a burning firework high on milk of the poppy,
But OUTSIDE. Outside, it’s just his usual face: TROLLFACE.LITTLEFINGER.GIF
More like this. (note: littlefinger was the trollface meme before the trollface meme even existed.)
And then he leaves, and clueless!Ned is probably thinking “oh, what an ~enigmatic man.” Yes, right. HE GAVE YOU ALL YOU NEEDED TO KNOW : DO NOT TRUST HIM!!!!!
After that, Ned doesn’t lose time to do EXACTLY what Littlefinger told him (talk to the armorer, talk to Robert’s bastards!!!!!!!) and then does exactly what Littlefinger wanted : he comes back to him! Oh lord what do you know of Robert’s bastards? (since apparently they’re enough to make up a whole army, apparently Robert’s a better bastardmaker than a king). But Ned doesn’t like his (enigmatic!) answer so he leaves. Lol Ned.
And finally, Ned discovers the truth. AS SEEN PRECEDENTLY!!!!! Joffrey is not Robert’s son (PLOT TWIST!!!!), the Lannisters must get the fuck out (because obviously honor > iron throne) !!!
But then something happens that Ned didn’t see happening : ROBERT IS SUDDENLY DYING (~suddenly~). So according to the rule of inheritance in Westeros (women? what is a woman?), Prince Joffrey will be the king as soon as Robert breathes for the last time. And so Ned starts plotting the Future of Westeros™ (= Joffrey CANNOT be the king), all the while thinking EVERYTHING HE WANTS WILL TOTALLY HAPPEN.
And at this moment, he comes back to his now BFF, Lord Petyr Littlefinger Baelish! Because it appears that 1) Littlefinger is the only person he can trust here 2) he can actually trust him. (
He proceeds to reveal the BIG TRUTH : THE KING HAS NO TRUEBORN’S SONS ZOMG!!!1111&&!!! And so informs Littlefing’ that obviously He-has-the-personality-of-a-lobster-Stannis-Baratheon is the rightful heir. And Littlefinger seems to disagree, which makes Ned quite angry (there is no unless!!!&&&!) Then Littlefinger tells him to actually make peace and teaches him a lesson in politics that Ned would be wise to listen to - and he should as well remember Cersei’s words: when you play the game of thrones you win or you die THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND. But Ned isn’t trying to win, just to make Joffrey (+ Cersei + the whole Lannisposse) lose. So instead he just tells Littlefinger everything he’s going to do (like he did with Cersei) … and uses Catelyn (YOU PROMISED CAT YOU WOULD HELP ME!!!) to get Littlefinger into his pocket (
but Littlefinger wants Catelyn’s pocket (and more)). And then they agree (?) on being allies~ because Ned has the honor and Littlefing’ has the money and clearly the two work very well together.
And Ned then thinks his plan is sure as hell and HONOR IS COMING™, HONOR WILL WIN THIS TIME.
BUT ALAS :
I DID WARN YOU NOT TO TRUST ME.
OH NED. OH NED. OH LITTLEFINGER. OH NED.
But please let’s take some time to look at Ned’s SURPRISE.
well, someone did not see that coming (unlike winter, yes.)
- HONOR: 100%
- BAD DECISION(S): 100%
- DECISION LIKELY TO RESULT IN SELF-HARM*: 100%
- (*DEATH : 2000000000000 %)
- FAIL : 1000%
- LEVEL OF STARK : 100 GAZILLIONS %
Sean Bean on canoeing and Orlando:
I wasn’t very good at the canoes really. I mean I could never sort of get that sense of turning, and putting it over that way to do a left and all that lot and I just kept getting lost and having to be towed back in. And Orlando was quite good, he practised a lot more than I did. He was always sort of, you know, very graceful. So anytime I could give his canoe a little knock with my oar, I would do so he’d be sent around the wrong way. They’d shout ‘action’, and he’d say ‘I can’t! It’s Bean! He’s put my boat in the wrong direction!’